It's always darkest just before dawn

Well this week has been harsh. It's been one of the hardest weeks of my life I think, so I guess I'm sorry if I've been weird....Today was the best though, as hard as it was to let go/move on/acknowlege what was happening, I got through it, and thanks so much to everyone that helped me. My god. So I wrote about what happened today, and I won't post it all, just the last paragraph (it's still censored)

 

Jessica, Sepanta, and I gazed far off, deep in thought. The silent murmur of broken conversation reached me from across the room as I continued to ponder my situation and figure out what song Sepanta was listening to. I let her ending song be my anthem. In my mind I pictured all my moments with ******: smiling, laughing, talking, being near me, and what they all meant to me, fade away as the last notes of the Coldplay song slowly came to a halt on Sepanta's borrowed ipod.

"You know, the worst thing is," Alex had said at lunch, "that ****** has no clue what you've gone through."

 

Jesus it's hard to let go, but it's for the best. If I haven't personally thanked you yet for helping me through this week, then get ready for one dammit. And since this entry is totally lacking of crappy paint pics, I've managed one:

It's always darkest just before dawn.

  • Current Music
    Bad Day by Powter

You...will squeeze the life outta me.

I really just wanted to add onto the previous one, but I need to have this one public for sarah's pics, so here:

                      

mkay there you go, homs, now stop asking me about who I like, dammit.

 

                                

THE JEALOUSY WILL DRIVE YOU MAD!!!

 

That's my new phrase. Yeah, I won't go into depth on it b/c I dont' want questions dammit. The four who know, plus g*mo and some random others might, but otherwise, don't ask. (homs)

 

And then I made a little special something for Valentine's Day:

                                                               

And with that I'm out to go off and dwell and dream...

  • Current Music
    500 miles by the proclaimers

The Show Must Go On........

Well this week was ok, ups and downs, and now that the weekend is coming, I'm trying to think of some things to do so I don't just dwell on all that there is to dwell.....on......So I've thought up of somethings that I'm lacking and I'd thought I'd share my dreams through my magnificent skills with Paint, so.....enjoy!

 

Me taking pictures with the digital camera that I don't have.

 

Me driving with the license I could have/should have by now.

 

A very, VERY rough idea of the six pack I lack.

 

Here's me speaking the Italian I don't know.

 

Here's me with the dazzling white smile I want. Yes, you must wear sunglasses with a bright smile.

 

The hot tan that I'm so far from. And always will be.

 

Me walking the dog I want. It's a pug, ok.

 

Here's me with the requitted love I don't have, or do I? DAMMIT I just don't know.

 

So yup, that's pretty much it....any suggestions? 'Golly jeepers' there sure is a lot to get done! *runs off*

  • Current Music
    Moulin Rouge 2 soundtrack, number 11

Love...

Stones taught me to fly.

Love taught me to lie.

Life taught me to die.

 

So this weekend was good. Saturday was Slut's party and that was killer awsome. Tirem, Kurnow, and Andrew were bouncin off the fuckin' walls and everyone was laughing like crazy while getting frostbite and cross dressing. THE BEST! And today I kept myself busy to keep my mind off things....since I don't have a digital camera, I drew you pictures of my day: (how exciting)

 

First, I woke up.

 

 

And then I went online, but as people left, I realized I had to start doing something. The lj surfing was just too damn depressing and sad overall.

 

 

So then I occupied myself by cleaning/dusting all the crap in my desk, which was a bigger task than was first assumed. It took like 4 hours. I moved a bunch of crap around in my room too. It's a lot cleaner now.

 

 

And then my mom was bugging me about the sunlight going and she wanted me to wash her car. So I did that. It was wonderful. Time of my life.

 

 

Then I creaned house.

 

Then I did hw and wrote sasha back, and finished my room, and ate one meal and watched THE MEDIUM which was from like a month ago, pretty intense.

Boring, yes, but this weekend helped me emotionally so much, seeing how I was so dangerously depressed friday night. Mkuy, that's my story and i'm stickin to it, see ya'll tomorrow.

 

-billster

  • Current Music
    All That I've Got by The Used

You looked happy. Happy with a secret.

Clementine: Joel, I'm not a concept. Too many guys think I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to make them alive, but I'm just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours.
Joel: I remember that speech really well.
Clementine: I had you pegged, didn't I?
Joel: You had the whole human race pegged.
Clementine: Probably.
Joel
: I still thought you were going to save me. Even after that.

 

Weekend was wonderful. Saturday = = froze in Orinda with Slut and Spaz. Saw In Good Company, which sucked a wee bit. Sunday, stayed at home all day and pondered, dwelled, and dreamed oh yeah, and then had akward conversations w/ Freak and Inhaylor...mmmm whip cream....Monday, down to Kensington to hang out with Patty Cake, which was helluv fun, had to teach her the ways of Slurpees. Tres fun. Saw Moulin Rouge for like the nine millionth time - still one of the the best. Then today, which I was looking foward to sooo much went down in flames towards the end. Wasn't given the time of day. Ugh a real heartbreaker, just knew I was building myself up for a huge let down, so why does it still hurt so much? So I watched Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind, which had a great lesson, just a kind of roundabout way to express it. It would've made me cry if I was more of a crier, I thought about it, but decided it wasn't worth the effort. Good movie though, you should see it. See everyone later.

 

                                                              = first thing under google images of,

  • Current Music
    Space by Something Corporate

With the apple in my mouth, the food that celebrates your end

                                                                                

ugh, my brain is so fried right now. Chem has left me completely numb. Jeez, thank god today was just english and art. Art went by too fast tho....I was waiting all week.....dammit.

i'm so glad i'm not sitting here and studying at last, those were bad times. in unrelated news: i fucking hate the pearl. i agree with jamie, it's the most worthless story in the fucking world. kino, juana, and coyotito. i'm gonna miss that crazy bunch of kids.

this new color in my lj is called analagous, in case you were wondering. analagous.

time to sleep. can't wait to hang out w/ everyone this weekend. pz dood.

  • Current Music
    the music of the pearl

Llama Stance

i love asofterworld.

 

sugarcoatdQT (7:23:07 PM): and i dont mean to hurt your feelings...i just want you to hve lots of confidance and have mad sex on a beach

 

That's pretty much it. I'll miss all of you for the next week since finals don't really count. </3 (p.c. you perv haha)

  • Current Music
    Party for two. ugh.

C'est la vie

So for our art final, the topic is    BLUE

wtf does that mean? Ok, w/e so nothing new, FINALSSS. I hate spanish 2 orals omg not even funny I haven't learned anything. At all. and now we're supposed to do this. Still thinking about transferring. God, if only she wasn't such a flippin' idiot!

Besides that, I'm soo happy right now. Seriously. I'm so thankful for what I have, especially my friends. I definitely couldn't live without you all.

So, on tomorrow's agenda I have two things: start memorizing my spanish paragraphs, and sexually torment a freshmen that i've never met/seen. Thanks to Kern. "Can I take a picture of your ass?" lo fucking l. Ugh what a mess.

That's it, no crazy cool pics (speaking of which, when can I borrow a certain freak's camera?) I'm going to go watch LOST which is a helluv over-dramatic-in-a-funny-way-and-not-making-any-sense-at-all show. The pregnant girl was captured, the rock star was hanged and nearly died. Yeah, what did I say. Wonder what'll happen this week?!

After that, I'm definitely brushing my teeth while doing sit ups.....in the shower!

Mkay, that's it for me, sorry for the most boring post in the world, but you have to admit, you had it coming.

  • Current Music
    Annie <- such a sad song </3

I! HATE! EV-RYTHING A-BOUT YOU! WHY! DO I....LOVE YOU.....

Ugh. School again. Dreadful. But break was good, how was yours, blah blah blah. So it was good. I'm tired of typing, so I'll describe my break to you through pictures. Good luck.

                                                                                                   x like a million


photo/movie_pix/paramount_pictures/lemony_snicket_s_a_series_of_unfortunate_events/_group_photos/billy_connolly5-th3.jpg _yes_                                             Napoleon Dynamite (2004) Poster (I FINALLY SAW IT!!!!!!!! sasha's party = the best)
                                            helluv>                                                          

 <aislinn and alex: "wtf are these?!"                             


yep. that's pretty much the jist of it....



hope you all had a WONDERFUL time and I'll see you whenever.





"Why don't you just ask for ice tea? Come on!"
"Well the truth is, I'm actually deathly afraid of Italian men."

Thank god for alex and her classic lines.

  • Current Music
    take my pain away by some band of douchebags i don't know

Diving....Whatever it may take, I keep on trying

Birthday on mon....no sf </3 major heartbreak. Oh well, what can you do. Today = dinner w/ aislinn and alex which was so insane with south park quotes, singing a mixture of the killers and mr hanky, weird italian waiters, and akward conversation gaps with the family trying to contribute. There were so many tellings of South Park, I feel like I never have to see the show again, I know it all.
>>>>respect my authori-ty!
It's all such a blur of laughter and colorful paper characters
Along with a couple of other faces:
Posted by dean on 4/14/2001, 49KB





DieHARD wristband
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS ok time to burn cd's for the two.

  • Current Music
    Vitamin R by Chevelle